Small Beds and Large Bears

We soon come to the end of our first year of owning a garden. I have learnt since starting to fumble around in the earth that you should take at least a year after acquiring a garden, to merely dutifully weed and water and nothing else. That way you can see what really grows in [...]

Continuing to live in Oxford and its shire, first as a graduate, then as a publishing junior, now as a senior geek, has meant that many of the Proustian experiences that might call forth some halcyon day or other have largely been diluted over time. Ten recollections often crowd around the single, sharp, painful one [...]

[Seinfeld and Kramer] ‘Merry Christmas!’ said Seinfeld. ‘And a happy new n***er!’ added Kramer. ‘… What?’
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[Simon Cowell] ‘This is the best advent calendar,’ Simon Cowell declared, ‘that I’ve ever seen in my whole life.’
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[Santa and Mariah Carey in a clinch] But Santa—and Mariah!—was otherwise engaged!
(This did actually happen. No Photoshop.)
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[Jedward] “Oh, roight!” said Jedward. “Dat’s fontastic news, so it is. Isn’t dat roight, Santa?”

For those of you who haven’t bought it yet (and how could you not?) there’s a hidden track on the really quite remarkable—the only word for it—Christmas in the Heart by Bob Dylan. Here’s the lyrics to that track, Subterranean Homesick Blue Christmas, for your festive perusal. Merry Christmas, Mr Dylan!

[The Eleventh Doctor] “When Vanessa Feltz ate him, he regenerated into the new Doctor Who. That’s me! I’m Jedward.” And he was!

[The Tenth Doctor] Suddenly, the Doctor appeared. ‘I’ve some important news about Jedward, Jedward,’ he said quickly.

[Susan Boyle] ‘Oy!’ yelled Susan Boyle. ‘That’s MY song,’ she continued, and punched Catherine in the face.
(I should mention that this is fiction and didn’t actually happen.)
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